Sahaj Kaur Kohli
Sahaj Kaur Kohli MA.Ed, LGPC, NCC is an award-winning individual and couples therapist and mental health educator. She is also the founder of Brown Girl Therapy (@browngirltherapy), the first and largest mental health and wellness community organization for adult children of immigrants, a columnist for the Washington Post’s advice column Ask Sahaj and author of the book, "But What Will People Say: Navigating Mental Health, Identity, Love and Family Between Cultures." Sahaj is the host and creator of the new podcast, So We’ve Been Told and has a Substack newsletter called Culturally Enough.
How would you describe So We’ve Been Told in 10 words or less?
A living, breathing community for those left out of wellness
Explain the importance of the show’s name.
We all have stories and beliefs we’ve learned to accept as Truth – about ourselves, about others, about our mental health, about our place in the world. And I firmly believe, as a narrative therapist, that we should interrogate where these come from. Who told us these stories? Who do these beliefs benefit? What would it look like to reauthor these to be different, more culturally-apt, or representative of us? Enter: So We’ve Been Told, the podcast that features real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from my 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, to help you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms.
This is especially important for those of us who are left out of mainstream wellness conversations. Boundaries don’t look the same for everyone. ‘Healthy’ and ‘close’ and ‘normal’ in relationships means something different to different people. And how we take care of ourselves or communicate with others is wholly culturally and relationally dependent. I want to challenge it all!
Do you choose a bunch and whittle it down, down, down?
Yes, the selection process is rigorous. We use a 1–5 scale (and yes, that becomes 4.36s and 3.89s in practice). Every piece gets at least one second listen by someone else, and anything averaging above a 3 enters serious consideration. We have weekly meetings where we keep narrowing the pool.
Fill in the blank, you will like So We’ve Been Told if you like_______.
Other people’s gossip/drama, hearing from under-represented voices, learning something new, and/or laughing and crying at the same time
Can you tease anything for us to get excited for, or tell us a great episode to listen to?
Every episode is great!!! If you’re getting started in learning about my work and the ‘bicultural’ feels like it represents you or your loved one, start with episode 1, on living a double life between cultures. If you want other people’s family drama, listen to episode 2 on family secrets. And if you are in a relationship with someone of a different culture, race, or background, listen to episode 3 on interracial and intercultural relationships. If none of this excites you wait for more upcoming episodes on narcissism in immigrant families, how duty is a form of love (and control), emotion regulation and guilt, and sex and pleasure! Wherever you start, don’t forget to rate, review, share ;)
What’s your biggest goal for the show?
Expanding my brand and the work I do. I have a larger Instagram community, a newsletter community for ongoing learning with others, I wrote a book called But What Will People Say?, and I offer speaking engagements and community workshops. I wanted to take all of this work and focus on the community. We are not a monolith, but we also have overlapping experiences we don’t think others can relate to. Hundreds of first- and second-generation immigrants have entrusted me with their stories and experiences and I wanted to handle them with care. That’s why the central point of the podcast is these voice notes each episode revolves around. I didn’t work with a production company so I could retain creative control and I just want this podcast to be seen and heard by those who need it. Now, if anyone wants to pay me to do this – please reach out!
What’s something I didn’t ask you that you wish I had?
Is there bonus content for the podcast and if so where? Why yes, Lauren thanks for asking! Each episode comes out every other week, and in between those weeks, I drop exclusive bonus content over on my Substack, Culturally Enough. Check it out here.
Thanks, Sahaj!