Kiki Monique

Kiki Monique is a co-host of I’m Sorry from Lemonada Media. Follow her on Twitter here. Follow Lemonada on Twitter here.

Fill in the blank: If you like __________ you will like I’m Sorry.
If you like You’re Wrong About, you will like I’m Sorry. When we first started talking about this show, I would constantly reference that pod as the ideal. Deep dives, nuanced perspectives and thoughtful conversations presented with levity is something I think both shows share. The first time I listened to YWA was when I was going through my own mild canceling. I had done a TikTok about how I always have, and always will, Stan Courtney Love… and Gen Z was not having it. The younger generations have limited exposure to Courtney Love such as conspiracy theorists, YouTube videos and articles by people who, at worst, think she killed Kurt Cobain and, at best, have taken snippets and sound bites from the 90s and twisted it to label her transphobic and an abuser. They wanted to rip me apart and force me to hate her too, and I refused. It was a rough 48 hours, but then they eventually moved on to their next target. My friend sent me the episode the YWA hosts had done about Courtney Love. It went through her entire life story with an objective lens and context for her life. I knew this type of journalism and perspective is what I wanted to offer to my listeners who, like me, live in a “sound bites” culture. I hope that we can do the same with I’m Sorry.

What’s your favorite genre of online drama?
Random TikTok beefs are hands down my favorite pastime. It’s basically reality TV in bite size pieces. Unfortunately, TikTok is the wild west and something that starts as a funny drama but can turn dark quickly, like “Couch Guy” or “West Elm Caleb”  -  which is an unfortunate side of social media entertainment.  

What is your relationship with apologizing?
The way we treat apologies right now, in the United States especially, is really broken. As a teenager and young adult, I hated having to apologize. Now as an adult, I have the confidence to own when I’ve made a mistake and take my lumps, learn and grow. We have to change our thinking around apologies because I think so many people see it as a sign of weakness. I would like to see us create a new landscape/culture that allows for accountability and learning.  

How have you changed as a podcaster since I’m Sorry started?
Well, I finally actually started listening to myself. I am one of those people that hates hearing themselves, so before I’m Sorry, if I were a guest on other shows, I would just have to pray I didn’t say anything crazy because I knew I wouldn’t listen. Now, I love listening to every show because one, we have an amazing producer who is able to give our show such amazing cadence and two, because normally I’m so invested in the conversation with my co-hosts when we record, that sometimes I forget things we talked about so it’s nice to hear it as a listener. Research has become an essential part of my process. It seems to have become a lost art. The research process helps me to stay objective. xIt allows me to ground myself in the subject's motivation and yields another important byproduct - empathy.  Very often, depending on the subject matter, I want to do the show even more for the people who think differently from me than the ones who agree with me.

What has making a podcast taught you about the world or yourself?
There are “absolutely” no absolutes.

What has studying apologies taught you about them?
When someone makes a public apology I definitely now take more notice of the language they use to decide for myself whether I think they actually mean it or not and what they hope to get out of the apology. We did an interview with Alison Rosen and she brought up how people who say “I apologize” don’t seem as sincere as people who say “I’m sorry,” and it was a real “hmmm” moment for me.  It’s so interesting how nobody ever formally teaches us how to apologize. It’s such an important tool in relationship and character building. We just sort of leave it to people to figure out in real time when they make mistakes as a kid and that is sort of supposed to hold over into adulthood. I actually think I’m Sorry should create a curriculum for the school system. However, based on the current climate, that class would probably be called radical and exclusionary and be banned.

Is it tough to have three very funny, opinionated, confident co hosts on one show?
Not at all. It’s quite refreshing how the three of us have so many shared interests, yet we are each so wildly different from each other.

What does Mohanad uniquely bring to the show?
Mohanad is so good at delivering precise analysis with dry, sarcastic humor – it’s why he’s so good at Twitter. I envy that skill.

What does Hoja uniquely bring to the show?
Hoja is a magician with words… which I’m hoping can rub off on me. She says exactly what I’m thinking but her language choices and encapsulation are next level.  

What’s a show you love that almost everyone seems to know about?
People who have followed me for a while know that I have been listening to Howard Stern for half my life, maybe even longer. But then there are people who come along who are always surprised to learn it’s one of my favorite shows because they see me – a plus-size Black woman – and they think I couldn’t possibly love Stern. Howard is the reason I got into radio and eventually podcasting. Most of my generation knows “of” Howard Stern but they don’t REALLY know his work - because they don’t listen to his show.  He’s considered a “shock jock” but that’s a tiny dimension to his show.  His body of work and the talent he’s interviewed is on par with that of Barbara Walters, Walter Cronkite, etc. I learned how to interview, how to listen, how to create a safe space for guests, how to be open minded and how to be an independent thinker by studying him. 

Thanks, Kiki!