Dani Shapiro

Dani Shapiro is a writer and the host of Family Secrets and the newly launched The Way We Live Now. Follow Dani on Twitter here, and on Instagram here. Follow Family Secrets on Twitter here.

Kindly introduce yourself and Family Secrets!
Sure! I’m Dani Shapiro, and I wear quite a few hats. I’ve written five novels (my first was published when I was twenty-seven) and five memoirs at this point. So primarily, my identity is as a writer, an author. I’ve also taught writing for many years, at universities and private retreats. My most recent hat, though, is podcast host. Not something I ever thought about doing, literally up until the moment I was doing it. 

This all started with a book! How did writing INHERITANCE develop into the idea for Family Secrets? 
My most recent book, INHERITANCE, is about my discovery of a huge family secret. As a writer, I had always written about family and secrets, both in my fiction and non-fiction, without ever really knowing why. You might say family secrets was one of my primary themes. But I hadn’t known the most essential thing, which is that I was the family secret. I learned this in 2016 when, just for fun, I took a DNA test and the results showed me that my dad had not been my biological father. INHERITANCE is the exploration of two mysteries I became obsessed with solving: first, who was my biological father? And second, what had my parents known, and had they conspired to keep a secret from me? They had both passed away by the time I made my discovery, so I couldn’t ask them. Once I finished the book, even before it came out, people started telling me their family secrets. I was on the phone one day with a friend of mine who had read my manuscript, and she shared a really powerful story with me. I found myself riveted, and the thought floated across my mind: I wish I was recording this. I wonder if there’s a podcast about family secrets. And that is how Family Secrets was born.  

Why are you the perfect host for Family Secrets? (I'm saying you are, because you are!)
Well, thank you! I think when people hear about Family Secrets, they think the show might be confessional, or somehow prurient. You know, like rubber-necking other people’s family secrets, but that’s not what it’s about at all, which is why I think the show resonates. I approach each guest with a feeling of, me too. I have in common with all my guests that we have been shocked or upended by learning that a secret was kept from us. So there’s a great deal of empathy, compassion, connection during these conversations. As well as laughter. And tears. I feel it’s my job to “hold” the story, to find the through line, to contain it, to respect it. 

How does being a writer help you be a great podcaster?
That’s such an interesting question. When I started putting together Family Secrets, I began to realize that a big part of the art of this particular kind of podcast is in storytelling and structure. Each one of my episodes is like a mini-novel. There’s an arc, there are layers to the story that need to be balanced and teased out. There’s character and there is narrative. There’s also the awareness that not every detail belongs, picking and choosing what will make the story and the episode sing.

Women podcasters are constantly getting criticized for their voices. What is your relationship to yours?
It’s funny, I’ve been speaking and reading in public for so many years, but I never gave any thought to my voice. But in recent years, especially when I’m teaching, or when I narrate my own audiobooks, I hear from people that they find my voice soothing. I guess I can hear that now. It’s certainly not something I’ve tried to cultivate, but I’ve become aware of it. The trick is not to become self-conscious. I just want to lose myself in the conversation. 

I'm sure a lot of authors want to have podcasts, but might be intimidated by the tech. What would you say to these people?
Haha! The tech is a nightmare! I don’t know a single podcaster who is happy with however they record. I have done a lot of in-studio recording, but these days I’m recording entirely from the basement of my house. This has presented a lot of challenges, and I’m lucky that I have patient producers and a very patient and tech-savvy husband. But there’s always anxiety around the logistics and tech. Ultimately, the goal is to not let the technical complexities of recording and sound quality get in the way of a great conversation. I have a basement full of equipment, but I’ve been recording conversations on a very simple straightforward recording device and that seems to be working. I would say to other authors that I was intimidated by the tech and I still am, but it’s pretty cool to learn and master a new art form. 

What has Family Secrets taught you about yourself? About the world?
I’ve become such a student of secrets. When we keep secrets, or secrets are kept from us, it is always about shame. We feel ashamed of something in our histories, or something we did, and we think that we’re alone and no one would understand. But secrets are toxic, and they seep into everything. They contort and distort our lives. When we speak our secrets, shame is exploded. We learn that we had nothing to be ashamed about, and that we’re not alone. That we human beings are more alike than we are different. There’s great democracy and great connection in that realization. Especially these days. 

What has influenced your storytelling style? Any other storytellers/writers/creators?
When I realized I was going to make a podcast, I listened differently to lots of kinds of podcasts, and the two that most resonated with me are Nora McInerny’s “Terrible, Thanks For Asking” and Jonathan Goldstein’s “Heavyweight.” Both tell stories that are shaped by the host — the host is the guiding voice and sensibility — but without ever getting in the way of the guest's story. 

Can you tell us about The Way We Live Now? How did the idea for it come to you?
Like most of us, I have been staying home since the middle of March. My husband was in LA directing a film, and he came home. My son was spending a semester in London, and he came home. The three of us have been rattling around our house, trying to stay safe, be kind to each other, not get on one another’s nerves, when all our lives have been put on indefinite hold and the news is unbearably grim. There’s so much suffering all over the globe right now. I found myself thinking about what brings me…if not comfort, then a sense of connection. And the answer that came to me was that I want to know what’s going on in other people’s lives. How are they feeling? Coping? Sleeping? Eating? What are they thinking about? And the idea for a daily show in which I ask these questions of all sorts of people — creating a quilt of voices — might be an offering that would help listeners feel less alone. 

This show has had an incredibly quick turn around. You had the idea a little more than a week ago and it's launching on Tuesday. What has this process been like? Has it felt rushed or very natural?
It doesn’t feel rushed, and has come together in an amazing way that feels like kismet. I’m obsessed, of course, and thinking about the show every waking minute. It’s fantastic to be so absorbed in a new project at this moment. But it does feel natural, and every single potential guest I’ve reached out to has said yes with something like gratitude and relief. We all want to tell our stories.

What is the goal of The Way We Live Now, and how will this show be different than other COVID podcasts? (I know it's not a COVID podcast, really, but COVID is why it was born.)
I want The Way We Live Now to be an absorbing pause, away from the news cycle and the information cycle. I think we all feel better when we feel connected, and in this moment when we can’t gather, this is a way of being invited into the homes — the inner and outer worlds — of others.

You'll be interviewing a nurse, a grief counselor, Anne Lamott...so many great guests. What do all of these people have in common?
I’ve been choosing my guests to cover a wide swath of humanity, and following my gut instincts. Everyone has a story to tell, but I’m choosing people whose stories might in some way help others either in practical, psychological, emotional or even spiritual ways. Not that the show is self-help — it’s absolutely not — but I want it to help in the way that great storytelling can. We need to be reminded that there are complex, tender, beautiful lives behind every single face mask out there. 

I think on the show you will be asking people to look outside their window and explain what they see. What do you see, right now, when you look out your window?
It’s late afternoon as I write these words. I’m sprawled on a chaise in the corner of my small office on the second floor of my house in rural Connecticut. Downstairs, I hear the sound of my husband’s footsteps, my son watching a movie. The dog is somewhere, sleeping. I’m wearing the same yoga pants I’ve worn for three days, but I did take a shower. To my left is a window, and through the slats of the blinds I see a stone wall, and bare-branched trees that are just beginning to redden, showing hints of spring. See, don’t you feel like you’re with me now? That’s what I hope for. 

Thanks, Dani!